yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
