ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
as a side note pls kill me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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