Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
