Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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