Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
