there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
