Whod you bang
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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