How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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