tell your sister to shave her snatch
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
