Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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