I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
