Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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