I feel great
I just peed on a car
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
