I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
