Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
