Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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