mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
