He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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