Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
