If that was your dad, he is hot
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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