Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
