i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I AM VODKA MAN
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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