Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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