Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude i'm inner monologue high
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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