trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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