if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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