the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
