Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
