youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
