My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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