Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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