rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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