I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
