Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
