You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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