In the future we'll all be gay
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How does one acquire holy water?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
