She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
