Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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