No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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