Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
