he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
