she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
