i think i have two assholes
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
