I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
