I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
