I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
