I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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