And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
