my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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