Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
